The Problem with Naming Plants

My cat seems to think that I shoo her away from my house plants for no good reason.

Today, she learned that I have two no good reasons to keep her away from the plants.

1. They make her throw up gooey green crap when she pukes them up.

2. Why the hell was she eating Grandpa?

Which brings me to the point of the matter. I have a huge houseplant sitting in my living room who my family has affectionately come to call Grandpa.

You might think that this is a stupid name, but it is actually very fitting (and do you have any idea how freaked out people get when you yell "Why is Grandpa on the floor? How long ago did he fall and why didn't anyone think to pick him up?").

We've come to accept that people think it a bit strange to name your plants, and even stranger to name them after your deceased, but we reveal our reasoning with a little story.

We got Grandpa at my paternal grandfather's funeral. We weren't sure why we received a house plant, but we brought the scrappy little thing home anyways.

For the first few months, the plant stayed with Grandma. She watered it, put it in the sun, and gave it all the things one would normally provide for a plant, but no matter what she did, the little guy just became more and more unhealthy.

When she watered it, it was always too little or a flood.

When she forgot to put it in the sun, it would whither.

When she put it in the sun it dropped leaves.

 Realizing she could do no good, she shoved the plant off on my father.

Soon after, we noticed the plant starting to flourish.

It became taller and bushier, no matter where we put it or how much or little we watered it.

But I suppose that doesn't explain why we call him Grandpa.

Well, he was cremated....

If you seriously think that we put my grandfather's ashes in a house plant, you are seriously demented.

The plant isn't some morbid thing that we started to creep people out, the plant is a way of remembering those who we've lost. No matter how horrible it may seem, he's become part of the family, and we've acknowledged him as such.

The fact that we get to freak people out once in awhile by calling the plant Grandpa is just a bit of fun we get out of the whole thing, and I'm sure that wherever he is, Grandpa approves.